So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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