Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
