People in love make me want to vomit
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
