the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
