I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
