the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
