Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
