I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
