I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
