Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize