you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
