I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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