he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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