She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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