I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
