Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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