I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
