I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
