my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
