I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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