just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
love makes seman taste better
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
