My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize