I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize