I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
