I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
