A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
