Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize