Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
