hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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