We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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