just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
