Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
