I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
