He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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