Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
