I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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