oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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