And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
