You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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