I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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