So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
