Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
