all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
