my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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