i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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