I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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