Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
