Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
