Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
