you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
