i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
