Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
