I swear she didn't look like that last week.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
