I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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