The maid of honor just puked.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
