it hurts more in the daytime
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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