You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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