well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
