I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
