I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
