Someone shit on the floor
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
