census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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