so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
