Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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