hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
