Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
