I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
