How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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