I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
