Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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