after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
