Pappa wants mamma naked
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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