Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
