I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
