The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
