when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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