No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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