I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
